[Live on HBO] Dennis Miller

Children dressed as Homicide Bombers

Middle East Conflict According to Dennis Miller

He recently said the following about the Mideast situation:

A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
to all Americans who still don't get it,
I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs,
which is all you really need.

Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country.
There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians.
It's a made up word.
Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years.
Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient
but is really a modern invention

Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war,
Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan,
and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing
oranges as big as basketballs,
what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians,"
weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian"
anymore to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy
at our deaths, until someone points out they're being taped.

Instead, let's call them what they are:
"Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life
And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In
The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN.
How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."
Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country.
Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't.
They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years,
especially two years ago at Camp David
but if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights
and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, &nbs p;and, worse,
you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other
Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel.
They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --
that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it --
for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries
to divert the attention of their own people
away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate,
poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth,
and if you've ever been around God's Earth . . . you know
that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Midleast.
Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the
world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that
one.

Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs; 5 million Jews.
Think of all the Arab countries as a football field,
and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it.
And now these same folks swear that, if Israel gives them
half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals..

Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din
of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea?
Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day:
Just reverse the Numbers.
Imagine 500 million Jews and 5 million Arabs.
I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it .
Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades
and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.

Or marshalling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations
to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense.
Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible.
Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their
bread with the blood of children? Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace,
the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death .

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that,
with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as
Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible,
and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of
super models who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger
of losing moral weight. We've already lost some.
After September 11th, our president told us and the world he was going
to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them.
Beautiful.

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Article Souce

Explosive Stupidity Disorder

Our new affliction: 'Intermittent Explosive Stupidity Disorder'

By BEN GRABOW
Scripps Howard News Service
07-JUN-06

I do not have a rage disorder.

A new study suggests that when I beat my head on the steering wheel and tear chunks of upholstery from the passenger seat to throw at an idiotic motorist, it is due to "Intermittent Explosive Disorder." The disorder is characterized by multiple angry outbursts that are out of scope with the situation, and it's estimated that 16 million Americans are afflicted.

Road rage is considered one such outburst. And I will not pretend that I do not occasionally express rage on the road.

If you cut me off in traffic, I will make elaborate offensive gestures at your car that sometimes require both hands or even a foot. Through my open window, I may loudly question the nature of your relationship with a maternal figure or specific barnyard animal. I might even remove my headrest and bang it against the dashboard while foaming at the mouth.

But this is not a rage (begin ital)disorder(end ital). This is, if anything, a healthy rage. And this is America, so the real disorder must belong to someone else.

The real disorder here is the intense stupidity of other people.

What we need is a scientific study that explains behavior such as driving at 20 below the speed limit for a half hour, then standing on the accelerator as soon as there is room enough to pass. We need an examination of people who lunge into parking spaces, as though the waiting car's turn signal is an invitation.

Surely, these people could not have earned a driver's license or navigated the bureaucracy of a Department of Motor Vehicles while being so droolingly stupid. Without some capacity for coherent thought, they could not hold down the job that pays the salary that fills the gas tank of the massive SUV driving in both lanes.

The only possible explanation for such astonishing idiocy, then, is a kind of stupidity that shows up only once in a while. It must be some kind of sudden, violent stupidity, triggered by car exhaust or commercial radio. It could only be "Intermittent Explosive Stupidity Disorder."

IESD applies not only to the motorist who jumps on the brakes in the fast lane. People who choose not to shower for three days before using the neighboring treadmill could also be afflicted. As could individuals who cannot order coffee without simultaneously having a cell phone conference call.

If Intermittent Explosive Disorder were the real issue, baristas would be flinging skinny 2-pump hazelnut lattes across the counter and gym patrons would be assaulting each other with bars of soap and spray deodorant. But most of the time, we manage to contain ourselves.

Meanwhile, Explosive Stupidity runs rampant. And while such stupidity is not exclusive to the road, the disregard for both traffic laws and physics at 80 miles per hour is significantly more dangerous than poor gym hygiene. So is it any wonder that idiotic behavior on the highway inspires spasms of rage? It's not a disorder. It's the only reasonable response.

So, when I bear down on you in my little four-cylinder Honda, gesturing wildly with both hands to speed up or get over, don't worry about my well-being. Worry about the possibility of a stupidity disorder affecting far more than 16 million Americans.

And for my upholstery's sake, get out of the way. Goat lover.

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Reprinted with permission from thinlyread